Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Flora Negri, "Marcha das Vadias"

I'm sure you've already seen the #metoo posts floating around social media lately.  It's no doubt startling how many women have been sexually or physically abused or harassed, and also how many of their attackers are still among their mutual Facebook friends (if I'm "friends" with anyone who has attacked you, please alert me, I don't want that in my life). 

One thing that most people know about me if they know me well at all, is that I lived in Kansas for 4 years.  The man I lived with there was abusive.  I'm not going to play that broken record again, I've talk about it to death.  But one thing that is on my mind lately with all of this assault awareness is the woman that he was involved with after I left him.  She has taken it upon herself to tell me multiple times over the course of about 8 years that I made it all up and that it never happened.  Recently, since the #metoo campaign and the Harvey Weinstein revelations, she has come out and spoke about how women need to stand together and she will believe anyone if they say they have been abused or assaulted.

But you didn't believe me.

This post isn't about her.  Not specifically. This post is about all of us, and how we need to practice what we preach.  So many times I've seen people I know repost text and images on social media about how we need to support each other as women, how they will be there for you if you need to talk, that they are a safe person to talk to and confide in...and in the same day or week they pass a judgement on a woman they see on the street in a crop top, or call a woman they don't like "psycho" or "liar." Men have done such a good job turning us against each other, and it's time we stopped letting them.

If we say we will stick together, we need to do it.  If we say we will believe a woman who says she has been abused we need to believe ALL women, even if we don't particularly care for her and don't want to be her friend.

We need to hold each other accountable for our passing comments, or snap judgements, and our side-eyes.  Are you making a judgment about someone's behavior that you don't know anything about?  Are you posting #metoo and "I'll believe you" but not actually following through with your actions?  This extends beyond social media and posting for the sake of posting.  We must all put our money where our mouths are and believe EVERY woman who says she was raped, or harassed, or abused, or attacked. It is not up to you to pick and choose who is deserving of fault or belief.

Just for the record, I will believe you if you tell me you have been abused or attacked.  If you need my help, I'll be there for you.  No matter who you are or how you've treated me in the past.

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